Emotional Blocks to Success

Written by Reeta Luthra - http://reetaluthra.com

Sometimes, giving up is the smart option. Other times, it's driven by emotional resistance getting the upper hand. But emotional resistance does not have to be the brick wall it appears to be.

These case studies illustrate the relationship between emotions and success.

 Giving up too soon?

When attempts to do something aren't working, people might look to getting some training, knowledge or some other kind of help. But when they find they still aren't achieving what they wanted, this is when a lot of people find a reason to give up.  

This is a shame because much of the time, the blocks to achieving success in your goal are emotional or psychological. They cause the "I'm not good enough" or "I'm wasting my time, it'll never happen" type of beliefs that convince you that success is not for you.

To avoid these feelings, you subconsciously look to justify your desire to give up. You tell yourself you'll try another day or you blame a partner for not being supportive enough... or a million other things.

Finding the underlying emotional or psychological block to your success isn't always a walk in the park. It stretches and strengthens you. But by challenging the beliefs that are holding you back, you discover a new dimension in your abilities and better still, you enter into a new relationship with yourself.

Losing Weight

I want to lose weight but I eat because it comforts the loneliness in me

Logically you know that losing weight will give you health benefits and improve your confidence. You know it won't solve all your problems, but it will help with some of them. Emotionally however, losing weight is a long way away and you are suffering from crippling loneliness today. You need comfort today.

Your desire to not be lonely is more compelling than the sacrifices, hunger and regimental living that come from a diet as you see it.

While this conflict exists, having success with a diet is going to be difficult. The block to success is the anxiety and other factors surrounding the loneliness. These need addressing because it's important that losing weight no longer means giving up possibly the best friend you have at the moment.

The feelings of loneliness are the emotional block to diet success in this instance. Addressing them means examining these feelings in depth - but not in a morbidly, self-pitying way, and definitely without alcohol. You want to find out what these feelings are masking and how these feelings "believe" they are helping you.

Ask yourself: In what emotional way is losing weight going to hurt me?

One client discovered she was waiting for permission from her Mother to go out. She was in her thirties, held a good job, married with children but she was still carrying elements of childhood conditioning where her Mother had forbidden her to go out after dark as "it is dangerous out there" and "that kind of thing is not for us".

Logically she knew she was old enough to go where she wanted. But emotionally, she felt that she "shouldn't". This belief acted outside her conscious awareness and held her trapped. She held back from forming good friendships because she'd be required to go out. And going out was a kind of thing "not for us".

Addressing this conflict helped her to "update" this belief and in doing so, it helped to change her relationship with food where she no longer had to feed the hole of loneliness. It became normal and natural to see weight control as a life choice and not just a "diet".

Achieving a Dream

I want to write a screenplay but I keep putting it off. Deep down I know if I fail, my only dream will be over and there will be nothing left in my life. No hope. Nothing.

Rejection, abandonment and their impact on self-worth are debilitating for many people on several levels. Even the most outwardly-confident people can have inner demons snapping at their heels pushing them on to be perfect and never fail.

Self-image can become dependent on inner hopes and dreams that then become cherished and untouchable. Sometimes procrastination becomes a way of protecting self-image. A "some-day" writer is better than "failed" writer.

The thing with self-image is that it's your vision of yourself. It's your own perception of yourself. Yes, it may be based on what others have said but ultimately, it's your picture. If you are procrastinating over achieving a dream, it could be that it's feeding a part of your self-image that would be critically deprived otherwise. It's worth identifying the nature of the support it's giving you.

Ask yourself: What is my dream allowing me to feel and think about myself that I wouldn't otherwise experience?

The client with this issue had unwittingly injected a symbolic meaning into his screenplay. It had become a comfort blanket that represented nurturing and validation to him. If he failed in writing it, he would be separated from these deep needs which had been missing since his parents divorce when he was young.

When he allowed himself to face the dark shadows that the divorce had created, he was able to chase the shadows away. His focus improved dramatically and he found that the "dream" was just the tip of the ice-berg as more opportunities started arriving in his field of vision.

He did complete his screenplay incidentally.

Keeping Fit

Everytime I plan my exercise regime, I fall ill, get an injury or something else happens to stop me. Last time, my daughter fell seriously ill just two days into my routine!

Sometimes emotional blocks to success protect an established safe way of being and disguise themselves as external circumstances over which you have no control.

Essentially, the "things that happen" (including symptoms generated by your own body) become convenient and urgent ways of protecting a safe and comfortable way of life. It takes away self condemnation because you didn't fail; "events" made you stop.

The emotional block to success is insecurity over how you or others will perceive you once you've achieved your goal. At some level, perhaps you believe that you don't deserve the results.

Under ordinary circumstances, the illness of the daughter would have been a "normal" illness. However, under the mindset generated, the illness has the effect of a superstitious signal of doom. The panic that is caused internally causes an emotional blindness where it becomes impossible to see in perspective.

Ask yourself: What emotional benefits are there to delaying this activity?

The client with this issue had battled mild weight issues all the way from childhood. His childhood was happy but as he got older, his hair started to recede prematurely making him the butt of jokes in the office. He would dwell on these remarks and was convinced that even complete strangers in shopping centres were laughing at him. His home became a crucial safe-haven where he could accept himself as he was.

The safe-haven accelerated his weight issues as his activity levels dropped. A training regime meant facing people who would laugh at him and it also meant further ridicule because if he managed to lose weight, he would then be the "skinny bald guy". Not much of a difference from "fat bald guy".

Logically he knew that other people's opinions don't matter. But emotionally he was very much hurt by it. Changing his emotional response to real or imagined criticism was important. It was also important for him to work through the conflicts that his premature hair loss had created so that he could accept himself in all situations, not just in a safe-haven.

This allowed the fear that caused the emotional blindness that led to self-sabotage and internal distress to be resolved.

If you have any questions, contact me by email or telephone. There is no obligation and your call is treated in confidence.