Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category
Keeping Your Head When a Professional Lets You Down
Thursday, May 13th, 2010 by Reeta Luthra
Have you ever been let down by a builder, plumber, lawyer, therapist, doctor or any other specialist?
Being let down by an expert can be dramatically stressful. Not only has it left you lighter in your pocket, it’s also betrayed two of your most precious values – your sense of fair play and your sense of trust.
When fundamental values are rocked, it affects your thinking and priorities.
In fact, you might know people so consumed by stress, negativity or rage that every waking moment is spent in throwing good money after bad or in getting legal revenge and compensation.
They lose sight of their own important relationships and are genuinely surprised (and increasingly stressed) when these relationships ultimately collapse.
Even when seeking compensation is appropriate, you need to do it in a way that does not hurt the other parts of your life. Remember that Stress is like mould, it doesn’t matter where it starts, it’s going to spread unless you nip it in the bud.
I’m fairly confident that you don’t want a builder or an estate agent to come between you and the important relationships in your life.
You can achieve this by not letting the incident get personal.
This is so important, I’ll say it again: Professional/Expert/Specialist negligence, thoughtlessness or incompetence is not a personal attack on you.
The Power of Emotional Disassociation
Your first priority in dealing with something like this is to stop seeing it as a personal attack or grievance. You do need to disassociate yourself emotionally from the situation.
Disassociation gives you the mental space to deal with a situation rationally and effectively.
Disassociating from negative events is often the first thing I help my clients to achieve. Once you’ve disassociated, you give yourself room to let positive mental energies circulate and these help introduce thoughts that actually help you rather than the ones that cause arguments between you and your family.
Even if the person has let you down deliberately, they’ve done it because of one of these “laws”:
- All professionals are not created equal. They have differing understanding, motivations, dedication, commitment, enthusiasm and pride
- Specialists are human and prone to making the odd mistake
Really, they couldn’t help themselves and they need to find their own way of overcoming whatever led them to make the mistake.
When you make something personal, you invest your emotions into it. Emotions are the currency of your mind and well-being – invest them wisely so they generate riches in all aspects of your life.
How have you been affected by poor service?
The Perils of Multi-Tasking
Friday, April 30th, 2010 by Reeta Luthra
Multi-tasking is second nature to many of us and has practically become a survival skill that we display with pride in the busy, hectic world we’ve created for ourselves.
This morning my second client call ran on longer than expected. After I had written up my notes, I switched on my links to the outside world – outlook, skype and twitter – and a short time later, found myself having one of those surreal and lucid moments when it feels like you are watching yourself doing something ridiculous and need to stop.
I was composing 3 email replies, replying to messages I’d received on twitter and exchanging instant messages with someone on Skype. Although I was, to my mind, not compromising the quality of what I was doing, it was frankly a pain in the rear.
My mind would get a jolt as I flicked between the windows, having to re-familairise itself with what was going on in that particular frame. And it took me longer to actually finish and send those emails than if I’d just focused on them one at a time.
I mentioned this on twitter and @JeffreyGuterman, Assistant Professor of Counseling at Barry University, replied that he believes that following through on one thing at a time is more productive. He also pointed me to a very interesting article on How Does Multi-tasking Affect Memory?
Sometimes we need to multi-task simply because we have to get lots done. Other times, we do it out of habit or because we don’t realise that we do have other options.
The perils when multi-tasking spirals out of control
Our mind is forced to store information wherever it can
Multi-tasking splits our attention. As we flit from one task to another, our mind is forced to quickly store information wherever it can. Because it hasn’t been stored “properly” it becomes harder to retrieve later. Basically, if you think of the mind like a computer, multi-tasking causes fragmentation.
But unlike a computer, we don’t have a defragmentation button to press to slot everything back in its rightful place. We end up getting stressed. We forget things, do rush jobs, are short to people and lose sight of the real reason that we started doing that task anyway. It becomes hard to prioritise something when we are flitting back and forth so much and so quickly that the reason for the task is not registering properly. We’re doing things “blind”.
We get a false sense of what’s important to us
Because we’re not being terribly mindful to each activity, we lose sight of our values as we judge ourselves by the quantity of what we do rather than the quality.
You put the blackberry next to your plate at dinner, mull over whether or not you’ve given your secretary all the information she needs to prepare that presentation, barely taste the meal that you’re eating and give half an ear to your son’s excitement (or distress) over something that happened at school.
It makes us ill
As we continue to do a hundred things at once, the stress builds up causing emotional, physical and hormonal disruptions in our body. As well as picking up bad habits like not making time to exercise or eat well, we can suffer migraines, panic attacks, low self-esteem, rage and a whole host of other symptoms.
We need to be busy because boredom too is dangerous. But we don’t need to busy ourselves in a way that suffocates our potential.
It suffocates our potential
Our body puts up with a lot from us and copes remarkably well considering all the pressure we put ourselves under with toxic thoughts, un-met values, “artificial” ingredients in food and chemicals we rub into our skin.
But for long-term good health and well-being, our mind really does need space to relieve itself from this pressure.
Ultimately, every single one of us is a spiritual being in that we all feel a specialness inside ourselves that is unique to us. This specialness is unstoppable, it’s like a seedling and its intrinsic nature is to grow and express itself.
“Blind” multi-tasking suffocates this specialness. It doesn’t stop it but it does stunt its growth. And this results in one of the unhappiest things we can do to ourselves – live a pretend-busy life built on pretend-priorities based on pretend-values.
What is your experience of multi-tasking?
Photo Credit: svilen001










Your Comments
- Mike: Reeta, my first visit here and I would just like to say I love your post. I have always...
- Julie Walraven | Resume Services: Hi Reeta, I haven’t been around much lately since I...
- Adamskib: A good point well made. I generally find other people find my comfort zone quite...
- Yael Brisker: Good to have you back! This post has hit the mark, and truly I need to give the...
- yael brisker: Hi Reetha! When I saw the title of your post the first thing I did was close the...
- Jim Connolly: Excellent post Reeta, I see myself as a poor multi-tasker, so I ensure that I...
- Yael Brisker: Reetha dear It Worked! There you go! number one is true! In admiration .-= Yael...
- Yael Brisker: Reetha Thank you so much, this post and your mention was the best moment of my...