Stress isn’t just about ranting and raving when things get too much.

Stress creeps up through the daily traumas, upsets and shocks that we go through – the ones we bury and ignore until they cause behavioural and health issues too big to ignore.

The majority of people who hire me for Stress & Health coaching and therapy approach me when they want to explore the psychological reasons behind their physical symptoms – Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Depression, Impotence, Rage, IBS etc.

And we find that most have been living with their problems for at least ten years – and in many cases longer than that. The symptoms of their illnesses have been intensifying year on year and as we track back, we can see just how various behavioural patterns had been shouting a warning that stress was toxifying inside the body.

Stress: Signs and Signals

Stress is nature’s early warning system telling us that we need to take some action on something. It’s meant to be a temporary response but we tend to use it as a long-term strategy by burying it, ignoring it and leaving it to fester. Leave it long enough and it starts to affect your immune system, creating hormonal changes that play havoc with your health, behaviours, decisions and relationships.

Here are some common patterns of accumulated stress. When you recognise these, you can take steps to break the pattern before the effects mount up.

1) Blaming Other People

You may not realise that you blame other people. However, nothing is ever your fault. And on the odd occassion where you may have had something to do with it, you know deep down that if it hadn’t been for him or her, it wouldn’t have happened anyway. So basically… it wasn’t your fault.

Blaming others is easy and a false way of making ourselves feel valid. When we accept our part of the responsibility, we see things from a position of empowerment. Taking ownership and responsibility for the outcomes in your life is one of the greatest accomplishments in your personal development. What unhelpful beliefs are you holding onto that are causing blame to be your first response?

2) On Replay

There are certain events or people that you cannot stop thinking about. They cast a shadow over your life and keep you from moving forward happily. Sometimes you think you are over it, but the thoughts come back with the same level of intensity.

Our life moves towards the future. A healthy future contains things we have learnt from our experiences. When we remain stuck in grief and helplessness, we’re crippled in some way from moving forward because there’s still unfinished business back there. Being stuck on replay puts clouds on our horizons and distorts our vision, self-perception and energy levels.

3) No-Go Areas In Your Mind

There are certain events or people that you refuse to think about. You tip-toe around these thoughts, avoiding related people and places. You don’t think of these things much and don’t consider them a problem – but when you do think of them, you feel sadness, anger, guilt or regret – even though out loud, you may trivialise their impact.

Your mind is the playground of your life. It’s a place for you to explore, learn, dream, imagine, plan and enjoy. When certain parts of it are blocked off, it creates a break in the flow of our thoughts, creating sudden braking points that cause a distortion in our self-perception and places conflicts and boundaries within our beliefs.

You should not dwell in the past, but the past should not dwell in your present either. A no-go area signifies there is something you still need to learn from the event. It’s more unfinished business. Grief and forgiveness are the processes that help you learn from the past and take away the stressful sting of whatever happened.

4) Boredom

We need a sense of purpose to our life. Without it, we feel empty and useless. When you spend a substantial part of your life feeling chronically bored, your motivation to look after yourself plummets and you develop bad habits and negative behaviours. Boredom can lead to depression at the same time that it’s releasing hormones that are putting the heart under severe stress.

Because you are a vibrant, energy-filled human-being, boredom goes against everything you stand and yearn for – yet is an easy trap to fall into when it becomes the path of least resistance due to the limited choices you feel you have in your life.

5) Life Patterns

The life patterns that follow you around provide clues as to the stress you are holding. Such patterns could be:

• Every boss you’ve ever had has been a bad one
• You’ve had four serious relationships in the space of ten years – all of which ended bitterly
• You procrastinate over everything
• You’re always surrounded by idiots or by people who don’t understand you
• You can’t make decisions on your own

What life patterns come up for you again and again? What could they be telling you?

Resolve and clear the stress that underlies all these behaviours to prevent critical stress levels from hurting your health.

How do you recognise signs of stress in your life?