The secondary gain that people get from abdicating responsibility is something that many people don’t even think about because it happens at a level that has become so much a part of their identity that it feels natural and normal.

I remember a client once who started to get hot flushes after a few sessions when his behaviour started to change & he took on more ownership. It was a temporary transition thing that went away as his body and mind started to synchronise with his new-found self-empowerment.

You’re absolutely right that people do get into negative patterns because of their need for “attention” and other reasons, but I’m not sure that I would say that it is deliberate because deliberate implies that it’s a path they’ve consciously chosen.

I think in most cases, it’s more that they just don’t know that there is a different way to be. And if they do know that, then they don’t know *how* to achieve it.

It’s a really important point and I’m so glad you raised it – thank you!

Having a vested interest in one’s well-being must surely mean taking responsibility for it. What about the people who don’t take responsibility because they ‘enjoy’ the payoff of abdicating it to someone or something else?

Taking responsibility means not having anyone to blame or engage in drama patterns that get attention from others.

In short – could it be that some people deliberately avoid taking a vested interest because they may cut off the attention from others that they crave (as dysfunctional as this may be)?

Best, Robin
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