Changing a Gloomy Person Into a Tasty Person
April 1st, 2010 by Reeta Luthra
People have a flavour – a certain quality that you recognise as THEIRS. It’s unique to the relationship between you and them.
It can’t be identified with a single word. Rather their flavour is an amalgamation of things sweet, sour, bitter, salty all blended to a particular depth.
The blend becomes a personality that we then use to help us draw conclusions about them.
Take Shaggy and Scooby-Doo for example – you wouldn’t have to ask them if they wanted to spend the rest of their lives as accountants. In your mind, you can imagine what kind of accountants they’d make. And this image is based on the flavour of their personality as you’ve come to know it.
If Shaggy and Scooby were to ask each other the same question, they’d draw a different conclusion because their relationship is different.
Gloom & Doom
When someone is constantly putting up obstacles and objections, moaning, gossipping, complaining, it can become easy to dismiss them, get angry at them, run away from them or even get drawn into their behaviours.
It is more of an issue if they live with you or you see them often because they have a greater impact on your life and influence your own behaviours and thoughts.
It helps to remember that their gloomy flavour is unique to the relationship between you and them. When you start changing aspects of this relationship, he/she is compelled to respond differently to you and takes on a different flavour.
Yesterday on twitter I asked: When people get all “gloom & doom” on you, do you question what they say or accept their statements as fact?
Here are some of the replies I received:
@robin_dickinson: I focus on being present with them – hear them out. Avoid problem solving unless asked.
@pamdodd: I notice that people who are all “doom & gloom” don’t like to be questioned about their statements.
@alohacarrie: I guess I silently ask myself, “Is it so?”… It’s a habit. Helpful for the chit chat in my head as well.
What do you think about gloomy people – can they change or are they best avoided?
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Hey Reetha!
How about if that person is me!!! My son Tom, who’s also known as my personal guru, often says to me, matter of factly, Ima (mom in hebrew), you’re complaining again! And that’s great – because it gives me an opportunity to stop and see that it’s what I’m doing. Lucky me, he does it so gently…And then what I try to remember to do is what I firmly believe in, is find what need of mine is not being met at the moment I am complaining, and have a little compassion for myself, right then and there. How does that sound? With Love
That sounds great Yael – you’re definitely on the right track, and Tom sounds very wise!
As well as compassion, how can you introduce that need that is not being met? Not just in that particular moment but also as a kind of gestalt across the different areas of your life.
Aloha Reeta,
I love this post, and I really love the though of tasty people! hahaha!
I frequently say that irritating people are useful because they bring up all like energy within me so I can release it. I suppose gloomy folks do me that same favor.
Last summer, however, I wrote a post about times when burning a bride is your best plan of action. Swallowing your truth is never a good thing. I linked to that post, hope you enjoy it!
Love what you’ve got going on around here! Blog on!
Many blessings,
Carrie
Heart Failure Solutions
Carrie Tucker´s last blog ..Before You Drug Yourself, Do You Research Prescription Drug Information?
Hi Carrie
Thanks for the link to your post – it’s an interesting read. Opportunities come in all shapes and sizes – developing self-awareness helps mitigate against the “devilish” ones that carry the illusion of fulfillment.
Thanks for your comment Carrie – now, there are gloomy, irritating and devlish people to make tastier!