Imagine if you lived in a world where there were no other people, no animals, no birds, no fish, no insects. No life form whatsoever.

It might be a nice thought for a couple of days but after a while, it would no longer be a life, it would simply be an existence.

We are social creatures and relationships are important to us. They are a vital piece of what keeps us going.

Unfortunately, some people find themselves existing in social isolation because they keep hearing they’re not good enough.

When I helped Jamie with his chronic fatigue syndrome, he talked about his frustration over how his girlfriend discussed his condition with her friends… her work colleagues… on twitter… on Facebook and on her blog. He felt like an animal at the zoo because he could feel all these eyes on him and he didn’t know who they belonged to.

It upset him that his girlfriend, who was supportive in every other way, could have this level of disregard to his need to deal with his chronic fatigue syndrome in private.

Inadequacy

Knowing that everybody knew his problems made him feel inadequate and useless. Imagination can magnify our fears and Jamie was convinced everyone was laughing at him or feeling sorry for him. But because he was the one who was ill and she was the one housing, feeding and clothing him, he felt he had no right to discuss it with her.

He was however deeply affected by it and had actually delayed seeking therapy because if it didn’t work, it would just be another failure that his girlfriend would broadcast to everyone.

Social Escape

Caring for someone who is not well is a heavy responsibility and talking to others helps us to find some relief and gives us an escape. Sometimes, it also provides solutions through new perspectives and insights.

Yet, the person who is unwell needs his social escape too.

Because relationships are so important, it becomes debilitating to think that friends, family and strangers all know our weakness and vulnerabilities when we are still trying to come to terms with them ourselves.

It can lead to a state of mind where he cuts himself off from other people, refuses treatment or rebels in other ways.

The social escape he needs is not necessarily the one that comes through direct contact with people. It’s the one that comes from knowing that there is a way out for him, that there are people out there with the potential to see him as something more than his illness. This is what gives him the mental room to grow.

In a way, it’s similar to when mothers constantly talk of their children being a disappointment. Or when fathers congratulate the achievements of others and ignore or dismiss the achievements of their own children.

Emotional Support

If you are caring for someone who is not well, there are ways to balance your need for emotional support with respect for their privacy:

• Be selective as to with whom you discuss the intimate details – perhaps just a few close friends.
• See a coach or therapist for help with your own frustrations and fears over his illness.
• If you do need to discuss it online, do it anonymously or with care to protect his identity. After all, his own friends could be reading what you’re writing and causing him further embarrassment.
• Participate in an online or offline support group.
• Include more positive references about him and fewer negative ones about his condition.

What tips do you have for supporting yourself emotionally when someone you love has a long-term health issue?