Is Your Self-Image Reflecting Your Potential?
February 25th, 2010 by Reeta Luthra
People talk about self-image like it’s some fixed, genetically determined, touchable part of you – like your nose or your ears.
But of course, self-image is context sensitive and changes depending on the role you happen to be playing.
Self-esteem is the emotional by-product of the sensory self-image.
Let me introduce you to Sheila:
6:00am - Grizzly bear waking up
7:00am – Sergeant major getting everyone in order
9:00am – Black sheep in the office
10:30am – Champion of the broken photocopier
11:00am – Insignificant in the meeting
Sheila’s played 5 roles and it’s not even lunchtime yet! She stepped into those roles magnificently, playing them to the best of her ability.
Making a mighty effort worthy of an Oscar, not only has she stepped into each role, but she’s also adopted the moods, feelings, mindsets and beliefs that go with the role.
Trouble is that Sheila doesn’t really enjoy her 9:00am and 11:00am roles. But what can she do? She’s spent so much effort creating the image for them – wouldn’t it be unfair to change the rules now?
It would confuse people – everyone who is used to seeing her in that role would need an explanation.
It’s expected – no, it’s easier, less trouble – to keep up the image that goes with each role.
She sees herself as the insignificant black sheep. No-one likes her. No-one takes her seriously. It’s not a role she’s chosen! It’s just happened. Why would she choose something that made her feel bad?
Someone gave her the part and now she’s stuck with it.
Until she realises that she’s not… This is the great thing about us. It doesn’t seem to matter what’s gone before once we make the decision that we want to change. When we make this decision, we find ways that help us make it happen.
All we need to take the first step is to recognise:
- Self-image is context sensitive
- Self-image changes as soon as our thoughts change
- We’re staying in a role because we don’t want to “disturb” other people
- We want a better life
Once you’ve recognised this, follow it up with action to prevent it from simply being yet another dream.
What is the relationship between your self-image and the roles you have adopted? Do you have any you’d like to change?
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9 Responses to “Is Your Self-Image Reflecting Your Potential?”
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Good Morning, Reeta!
Just read this out-loud to my husband who can’t read the screen. I could see myself in this real easily. We all do change according to the environment we are in and the comfort level we feel. Yesterday morning I was in a breakfast meeting with my Christian Business Leader group. I was the only woman there this time in a group of 10 or so but I was comfortable with them and we shared at a heart-to-heart level about many topics. Each of these men are leaders in their own field, lawyers, counselors, financial advisors, business owners, media, and more but I am comfortable with them.
There are times though that I will be a wallflower, introverted and shy, and other times I can be a chatty Cathy…
You are right though when we play a consistent role that we don’t want to be, we only need to decide that we don’t want that role any more and change. For some people that is hard, for others easier.
Julie Walraven | Resume Services´s last blog ..How do you start your day?
Hi Julie – Yes, you are absolutely right, making that initial decision to do something about a role that’s outgrown its usefulness can be the hardest part of the changing process.
Your Christian Business Leader group sounds an interesting mix of people!
Hi Reetha
Enjoyed your post and enjoy being back here in cyberspace after to attending to my Mom in hospital for a week.
My question to you and myself,how much do we, can we, really change?
Would love to hear your thoughts
Yael Brisker´s last blog ..כשנמאס, פשוט נמאס להיתקע על אותו חריץ בתקליט, שוב ושוב ושוב…. (או כשאתם מוצאים את עצמכם מגיבים באותה צורה)
Hi Yael – really nice to see you back here
Asking “how much can we change” is a good question to ask when you’re challenging yourself to do better. But it’s a demoralising question when you’re doubting yourself.
Perhaps another question to ask would be… “how much do I want to change and how much effort do I want to put into it?”
There are so many ways of changing our outlook, strengthening our thinking patterns, snapping out of habitual behaviours and becoming more in control that in a lot of cases, you’re only limited by how much you want something.
Thanks for your great comment Yael – I hope your Mum is feeling better.
Hi Reetha
For me, the emphasis on how much do I want to change, is good to contemplate. You know,how they say that nothing stays the same and impermanence is there whether you are aware of it or not.But philosophy aside, my personal path is how to trust my internal instincts and my “wants”. It’s very basic and ingrained, don’t you think?
Yes, definitely Yael.
Our thoughts start getting shaped right from when we are young. Some influences are positive, while others instil limitations.
So we can become a bit “stilted” as we grow up, experiencing conflicts between how we want to be and what we’ve been told – and come to believe – we *should” be.