Ever get the feeling that there’s a puppet master directing your thoughts?

I found one when I was preparing a course for a group of single parents and the subject was Guilt. Helping people deal with guilt is a staple part of my daily work so preparation should have been straight-forward.

However, I found myself deliberating over it, hesitating and dithering over whether or not it was appropriate to include certain material.

Find Your Hidden Agenda

Finally it occurred to me that I wasn’t preparing this talk for the common good of the group.

I was subconsciously tailoring it to meet the approval of a certain person who was going to be in that group.

This person is an ex teacher of mine. I respect him a lot and in some ways, he is a role model of mine. So naturally I want to impress him!

Notice How The Hidden Agenda Doesn’t Work

But here’s the crazy thing – he’s attending a course that I am running because he wants information that he doesn’t currently have. And there I am trying to mould my talk so that it fits in with his existing knowledge and belief system. In fact, he’s helping me do this because all I can hear is his teacher voice in my ear reminding me of his likes and dislikes. His voice deafens out other balancing viewpoints so I end up editing and pre-judging my work based on a perception of what he might or might not think of it.

Although it’s great to consider who you are doing something for, it’s not so great when that consideration becomes all-consuming and makes you deny a bit of yourself.

This voice belongs to a man I knew briefly a long time ago. I know nothing of the man behind the teacher mask nor the life experiences that led him to sign up for my course. So to adapt my talk to fit in with what this voice is telling me, would be doing him a huge disservice. It would be short-changing everyone else on the course and I would be letting myself down as I watered down my message.

Introduce a New Agenda

The voices sitting on your shoulder and whispering in your ear “think” they’re looking out for your best interest.

Indeed at one time it was appropriate for me to consider life from my teacher’s viewpoint because I was learning from him. It’s not appropriate anymore and realising what was happening, I got him off my shoulder and went on to prepare and deliver a great course that served the whole group.

From the moment we are born, we are influenced by a lot of different people and some of those influences stay with us and shape what we do and think. It’s not a problem when these influences propel us towards things that further our own goals and ambitions.

It is a problem when these influences inhibit us or cripple us in some other way.

Are you limiting yourself through acting on the voices from your past sitting on your shoulder? Are they parents, teachers, friends? Or are they even a previous You?

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Photo credit: de-yoz
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