Typhoid, yellow fever, malaria… if you got any of these, you wouldn’t waste a minute in getting help. You value your health so you’d take preventative measures if you were going somewhere where you could get infected.

My question to you is do you attach this same level of importance and urgency to your emotional and mental health?

Psychological health is so important that life insurance forms ask about stress, depression and such as part of your risk evaluation.

But there tends to be a huge stigma attached to getting treatment for psychological pain. People think that if they admit to stress or depression, then it’s because they’ve failed themselves in some way. They can feel that they’ve brought it on themselves and hence are not entitled to special, focused care and attention.

I’ve quoted a reference elsewhere on this site that 90% of visits to the doctor have stress as their underlying cause.

The trouble is that psychological pain is internalised pain. It has an invisibility much like backache and migraine in that others can’t see the extent of your suffering, especially in the early stages before the symptoms become physical.

Combine this invisibility with embarrassment and you create a mental environment that incubates health and behavioural problems.

There are various types of embarrassments that prevent people from seeking help. It’s possible to be affected by more than one type at once.

1) Personal Weakness or Failing

You have high personal expectations strongly rooted in your self identity. You don’t like to admit vulnerability or that you are being affected by things from the past. You worry about what people would think if they knew.

Remember:

• People do not have to know that you are seeing someone for help with stress related issues.
• Asking for help shows strength of character. You’ve spotted an area that you want to improve and there is nothing vulnerable about learning or about personal development.
• Getting out of your own way lets you go much further.

2) Privacy

You don’t want to divulge your inner secrets or talk about things that are intensely private.

Remember:

• Although talk therapies are an intensely personal experience, several powerful methods such as EFT and NLP can be done content-free. You’ll need to talk of course, but a competent therapist or coach will be able to help you without you having to reveal all the finer details.
• Whatever problem you are experiencing, someone else will have experienced it already. Despite the isolation you feel, you are not alone.
• You will never have to see your therapist or coach again. Your therapist will never meet your friends and is legally obligated to treat you in confidence. Some will not even acknowledge you if they bump into you in the street. They’re not being rude, they’re letting you decide if you want your companions to know about them.

3) Permanence

You don’t want your mental health recorded in your medical records. You worry that it may affect your future prospects in some way.

Remember:

• Seeing a private therapist does not always require a referral from your doctor. Personally, I only request a medical referral in some situations where it is in your best interests to have seen a doctor first.
• Although some occupations and undertakings (like applying for life insurance) will want to see your medical records, they will usually be viewed in context with the rest of your application. Bear in mind that you do not have to give your doctor the intimate details of your issue – you do that part with the therapist or coach.
• If you weigh your aversion to medical records against the short-term and long-term benefits you will get from resolving the issue, you may find that your worries are a symptom of the stress you are feeling.

4) Feeling “Silly”

You worry that your family and friends think you are being silly and over-reacting to “life’s little problems”. Perhaps it’s not culturally or socially acceptable in your circle to admit to being depressed or needing psychological health care.

Remember:

• Because we all deal with things in different ways, one man’s pleasure is another man’s torture. Holding yourself up to someone else’s belief system can mean a living hell in paradise.
• If stress is affecting the quality of your life and the decisions you make, taking action against it helps you take personal responsibility and develop stronger coping skills.

Embarrassment puts limitations on your life and to your success. When it stops you from helping yourself, you’re giving priority to other people in a way that is personally damaging.

Have you found embarrassment getting in your way?

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If you liked this, you'll also enjoy:

1. Keeping Your Head When a Professional Lets You Down
2. What Causes Stress and Anxiety?
3. How to Recognise and Deal With Denial
4. The Reach of Childhood Stress on Health
5. Is Your Talk Hurting The One You Care About?

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