When was the last time you really listened to someone?

I overheard two ladies having a conversation in a cafe. Except it wasn’t a conversation in the true sense. They weren’t talking about the same thing, answering each others questions or even letting each other finish. They were generally breaking every rule of good conversation etiquette.

However, they were so in tune with other that there was another conversation happening at a non-verbal level. The smiles, the eye-contact, the gestures, the warmth, the closeness, the intimacy were all indicators that each lady was fully aware of and understood what the other was saying.

When we are going through a stressful time, our sensitivity to conversation changes.  In fact, adverse changes in the quality of your communication with close friends and family are an early indicator that there is some unresolved stress sapping your attention, either consciously or subconsciously.

Some ways that stress hurts your communication skills is:

Numbness

You become numb to emotion and non-verbal communication. Family and friends notice that you’re missing jokes, over-sensitive or under-sensitive to their own moods. They tip-toe around you because your own mood becomes unpredictable.

Avoidance

You avoid social situations or intimacy. The actual reasons do vary but typically include:

• Guilt
• Feelings of inadequacy or not fitting in
• Impatience at triviality
• Lack of energy

Normalising Panic

When you are under stress, your body is in a state of high alert. This state is meant to be a temporary state and prolonged periods of stress sustain this panic, eventually making it seem “normal”.  You now communicate with others from a panic standpoint. This can be:

• Angry
• Passive aggressive
• Passive

The problems occur when you’re communicating in a way that is “not you” but has “become you” because of the stress.

Becoming aware of changing communication patterns is a good way to catch stress early so that you can do something about it before it hurts a relationship.